Kirby had never eaten toes before....

The Enchanted Garden of Mendeleev.. Otherwise known as the periodic chart… Y’see, Dimitri Mendeleev was playin Solitare one night whilst ruminating and he fell asleep at his desk.. He awoke from a dream and the Russian chemist proceeded to create the Periodic Chart of Elements.. It is odd to think that some of our most amazing discoveries and life changing creations have not come from think tanks or special research groups but, from the subconscious collective pool that we venture to in our sleep.. Amazing, also, that a simple game of suits such as Solitaire had an influence on the creation of the elements that make up the known universe..

I was babbling to myself on the way home from Borders tonight about a possible message for my voice mail.. It goes a little something like this:

“Hey, you’ve reached ____________.. Kindly leave me a message; I’ll get back at you as soon as I can..

(pause)…..

But, don’t be alarmed if ________________ doesn’t get back to you right away; there’s a simple explanation for it.. Y’see, _________, unfortunately or fortunately depending on yer perspective, suffers from an affliction called ‘The Phantom Ring’ When this little gadget screams to be pressed to ____________ ear and hum it’s deadly gigahertz frequency enticing and energizing my water molecules with wild radioactive isotopes, __________ always seems to phase it out.. However conscious or unconscious, the ring goes on and on until the this trusty message logs your call.. It is then that ________________ realizes he has a phone and calls you back.. Please don’t take this personally as it is by no fault of his own that he’s developed this defense mechanism in this age of sensory numbing gadgetry.. He honestly loves you all and will get back to you just as soon as he realizes his dilemma.. P.S. _____________ is a Third Person…”

A little overwrought I know, but, truthful none the less..

Death to all Synthetic corporate insects..

Believe in Auras and find yer Mandala in yer local coffee house waste basket..

And someone please give me my Haloperidal since I’m third force now..

I feel the curse coming on…

Party…